Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily routine ... wake up, mama shower, get dressed, wash faces, brush teeth & hair, eat breakfast, dishes, get laundry started, tidy the house, snack, preschool for Ellie, lunch, naptime for Bugsy, keep laundry going, school for Gracie, Bugsy wakes up, snack, finish laundry/housekeeping, playtime, stories, baths, dinner, stories, bedtime ... that it all becomes a blur by the time I lay my head down at night.
Did I hug Gracie enough today? Did I laugh with the kids and act silly? Did I help refine Ellie's attention span? Will Bugsy ever learn to say more than "mama"? Did they have a fantastic day of fun and learning and joy? Did we accomplish anything at all, really? Was I grumpy when I should have been more patient? Was I gentle in all of my words and actions?
Probably not. It can be such a whirlwind, especially when daddy works long hours straight. Right now he's on a 72 and there are moments in which I can sense myself slowly losing my grip on reality. Bugsy has refused to nap today and the girls are bickering about the shade of blue in their hair clips. The floors need washing and for pete's sake if Gus would STOP shedding. The bathtub needs to be scrubbed and if only I could magically get the dust to stop settling on everything. ... breathe ...
But then there are slivers of light in the day when Bugsy will launch himself at me and wrap his chubby little arms around my legs, or play with my hair while we read stories; Gracie will see that I am struggling and she'll ask what she can do to help ... she loves cleaning and nurturing (bless her); or Ellie will color me a picture because she knows that it makes me giddy to see her creations; and Kevin sends me a sweet note at the most perfect times when I need to see his voice the most. Then the hurry of the day with three small children at home becomes utterly meaningful--the slivers of light flood me.
There is no place I'd rather be than right here right now. I am thankful every day for a husband who works tirelessly to provide for our family and who supports home schooling and all of my quirky ideas.
It is true that if we slow down and enjoy each moment we can *maybe* more easily find beauty in the everyday graces, but let's be honest, that is not my reality. I slow down at 1am when the kids are asleep, the house is clean, the next day's lessons are prepared, and I've had a moment to catch up with myself and my husband. The rest is a swirl of the immediacies of small children, tending to a house and husband, schooling my own, and reveling in the imperfections of it all. That is us.
A beautiful blur.